The human being is not the only monogamous animal in the animal kingdom, although it is one of the few that establishes lasting relationships with a partner. From a biological point of view, there seems to be considerable scientific consensus that the objective of establishing the male and female in a stable union is aimed at the reproduction and maintenance of the young for long enough to allow them to be autonomous. Obviously, in human relationships, love is much more complex. It is not necessary to reproduce (or have the capacity or intention to do so) for the chemical processes that cause falling in love to be triggered in our brain. It is believed that not all people generate the same reaction in us: what is known as the ‘chemistry’ between two people cannot have a more literal sense, since it refers to what the hormonal composition of the body causes in each one. another person, in addition to their personality, physical, way of expressing themselves, speaking, moving …
Oxytocin, also called a ‘love hormone’, generates a chemical reaction in the brain when we start dating a person, and causes a torrent of positive feelings that can last several months, even one to two years. During these initial stages, we tend to idealize the person next to us, our sexual desire is triggered, and we ignore her ‘flaws’. While we don’t become completely irrational people, our brains are ‘drunk’ on love.
After a reasonable period of time, after which the effects disappear, love and attachment remain, and the first conflicts begin to appear: we begin to know the person as they are, without the hormonal veil that previously blinded us. For a lasting bond to be built, it is not enough to love each other very much, but rather we will have to adjust our differences, know the values of the other, concerns, preferences, life projects … It will be the moment, then, to reach meeting points, and decide if it is worth accepting and loving the other as he is … or not.
Of course, monogamous relationships (two people) are not the only valid ones, and neither are those established from a single sexual orientation and identity. As long as all the people involved feel comfortable, there are those who enter into polyamorous relationships (with three or more people) open sexually or closed. Nor is it essential to start an emotional relationship to live, there are many people who prefer to live alone and establish meaningful ties only with friends and family.
Human relationships are very complex, and they are also changeable. Although the family is the most common type of human formation throughout history, and it has shaped Western values, today those values are changing. Of course: there are still many myths about romantic love that generate unnecessary suffering, fear and doubts. They can also perpetrate or favor situations of abuse and / or mistreatment that should not be allowed.
We review some of the most widespread myths about love and relationships. How many of them have you fallen for? Start sliding through our gallery.
‘If he loves you, he will make you cry’
No, whoever loves you well will do everything possible not to make you suffer, and the fact that a person causes our constant suffering does not mean that the relationship is worth more, but quite the opposite.
Fake. It is possible that some complementary characteristics work in a healthy way in a couple, but generally, the laws of magnetism do not work the same way in physics as they do in relationships. Unlike; In a healthy relationship we will tend to choose people who share our values, our lifestyle, and our way of understanding the world.
Although love cannot be chosen, it is intelligent, when establishing a relationship with a couple, having clear certain standards that make life enriching and fit with us.
‘Love conquers all’
Not always. The name of love, there is no reason to endure certain situations that make us unhappy, and even abuse (which does not have to be physical, but only psychological). Loving each other is essential in a couple, but there are more other things that are essential for a relationship to work.
‘It’s the love of my life’
It is not convenient to idealize a single person, or to believe that there is only one with the ideal characteristics for you. This myth, fueled by art (especially literature and cinema) does not correspond to reality. The truth is that there are many people in the world with whom to establish a healthy relationship. Nor does a youthful love have to last a lifetime; There is no reason to grow old with the same person if, throughout life, the needs, feelings and priorities of the members of the couple change.
‘It’s my better half’
Similar to the previous concept, this idea implies that we need another to complete us as people. Although love relationships are one of the most enriching things in life, there is no reason to go looking for someone to feel fulfilled and happy. The importance of learning to live alone and be happy for ourselves is, in fact, the recipe for a healthy couple.
‘I need you’
Which brings us to the next point. Emotional dependency is not love. The desire to be with someone should be motivated by a conscious choice, the fruit of love and happiness caused by being next to the other person; but not loneliness, the fear of being alone, the need for company, or the idealization of the other. It is true that, as social beings, we ‘need’ others for our development, but a relationship that is only based on this attachment is likely not to be healthy.